My mother died after 88 years of a life lived on her terms. She died in California while living with my sister; Anet. She planned to be buried next to Daddy in a dusty little cemetery in a small Texas town called Grandview. Anet knew Mother had ‘pre-paid’ her funeral and picked out a casket several years past so she called me and got the specific information to pass on to the Mortuary.

Mother’s body was picked up by an Atascadero funeral home, Anet and Charley needed to leave town by the next Tuesday, only 5 days away. This mortuary had promised that Mother would be ready to leave town the next Tuesday. They promised it was plenty of time. Anet called the funeral home on Thursday and was unable to speak to anyone; she was told that they would have to call her back. No calls came that day. With a weekend imminent, early the next day, a Friday, Anet called them again with the same results.

She was getting worried and needed to know if Mom would be ready to leave on time. They did not call back that morning so Anet called them back that afternoon, and before they could push her away, she said, “You’ve got my mother.” That got their attention. Anet asked if Mom would ready to leave on Tuesday. The woman with the funeral home said, with hesitation, “I’m sorry. Things are in a mess here. Our funeral director quit; we have no one who knows what to do. And, she added, we don’t have a casket like the one she paid for and we just can’t say when things will get back to normal. Anet hung up in despair and grief.

Soon, the funeral home’s new mortician called her back and said that they could not provide the identical casket nor could they have Mother ready by the promised date. Anet did not want postpone leaving so she called around and found another mortuary in a town 25 minutes south. They both had the casket and could meet her deadline.  A transfer was arranged and Mother was moved to another funeral home.

That weekend, Anet talked with Charley about how Mother should be transported to Texas. First they considered flying Mom to Houston where she would then go by hearse to Grandview. That did not set well with Anet and since they are both inventive people, they decided to rent an enclosed two wheeled U-Haul trailer, pick Mom up at the Mortuary, and drive her to Grandview via Silver City, NM, By Tuesday, Mother was ready. They picked her up, topped off their gas tank. and headed for Silver City, NM.

There had been no discussion of Mom’s burial ceremony, but Anet and I had a general idea of what we wanted. We talked about our plans and Anet agreed to take care of getting everything together. We both believed that we absolutely had to have a fiddler who could do a Ernest Tubb rendition of Waltz Across Texas.. We also agreed that the Protestant, preferably Baptist, preacher had to promise to not proselytize or give a hell and damnation sermon.

First, Anet had to find a fiddle player in or around Grandview. She did not have anyone in Grandview to help so she began asking anyone she contacted for help. The first man she called had a good recommendation, knew the song, and had actually played with Bob Wills and the Texas Playboys. Unfortunately, he couldn’t work us into his schedule. But, he did know a young man who was a very good fiddler and passed Anet off to him.

The young man, aged 43, knew the songs, was available. He was also willing to play the background score from the documentary Civil War by Ken Burns. Anet stayed on her phone trying to locate a suitable minister and a location for the service throughout most of the long, two day drive.

Anet and Charley took very good care of Mother, Charley was a careful driver and always aware of the precious cargo he was taking home to Texas. It was winter, and the nights were clear and cold across the western states At night. Anet would put on her coat, take a chair, and sit by the trailer where she could tell Mom stories and sing some of her favorite songs. She told Mom how that day had gone and described the beautiful star filled skies before she said goodnight.

Two days after leaving Atascadero, CA, Anet, Charlie, and Mom arrived in Silver City. Three of us lived there: Alfred, Laird, and me. Laird and Alfred are my brothers. Laird was older than Alfred and two years younger than me. Mother had all four of us in three years and nine months. We were close.

Alfred had been hit by a car a week earlier and was still in the hospital. We were worried about finding a place where we could have a farewell ceremony that included our baby brother. His doctor said he could be out of the hospital for a couple of hours; now we needed a location suitable for an open casket ceremony. Laird had a friend who owned a funeral home. He checked, and his friend agreed to let us have access to the chapel for thirty minutes between two other services. 

So, now the four kids were together and we could all tell Mom goodbye. The casket was unlocked and opened. We all agreed: she looked beautiful, and the four of us were absolutely sure that she was happy to be joining Daddy. It’s exactly where she had wanted to be for many years.

There was very little time, but we did squeeze in a ceremony. Mother had a long term love of John Wayne westerns. She knew the dialogue for Red River and She Wore a Yellow Ribbon. We each had chosen a movie to send with her. Her love of John Wayne dictated that Red River was a definite. She had four copies; we sent them all.

The next movie, Shane, was a hands down choice. We included all copies. The other two movies were Yankee Doodle Dandy and She Wore a Yellow Ribbon. She had only one each of these two.

Besides the movies we wanted her to wear something to remember us by. Alfred, the youngest, pinned on a perfectly garish piece of costume jewelry that she had held on to for over 50 years. Now, our tastes have definitely improved, but way back then, when we first saw that pin with MOTHER inscribed in gold across a mother of pearl background with stunning rhinestone touches, we thought it was the perfect Mother’s Day gift. To the best of my knowledge, we begged mother into wearing that pin once.

She explained that it was not easy to find the right time and place to wear that type of jewelry. She always knew the perfect little white lie that she could use to spare feelings. When our little 30 minute funeral service was over, the funeral director closed and locked the casket, helped place Mom back in the U-Haul, and waved good-by. We took Alfred back to the hospital, Anet and Charley took Mom to the motel where they were staying, and we all went out for a quick fix of New Mexican chilis.

The next day Laird, Anet, Charlie and I, headed out for Grandview. Anet used travel time to continue setting up the service we wanted for Mom. She found a Baptist minister who promised he could read some verses and withhold any mention of ‘being saved’ or ‘hell’. We had the service in a gracious antebellum type home that had a funeral business, 

The folks who drove up from Houston sat in a quiet, well appointed room with us. The fiddle player was perfect and certainly did a fine job on ‘Waltz Across Texas’. Each of us, the three kids present, told a story about Mother. Then, we joined hands, and everyone wept and sang “Will the Circle be Unbroken.” After Mom was lowered into her grave beside Daddy, everyone but Anet and Charley had to head for the airport.

Anet took care of the last act of ‘goodbye’; she filled the open grave. It was a perfect way to say goodbye to Mom. She was finally in that Grandview Cemetery resting next to the man she loved for over 50 years. 

I believe Mom loved every minute of her trip. She loved to tell stories on herself and will love telling the story of her funeral, I should say, funerals;. She had one in Atascadero, CA, one in San Luis Obispo, CA,one in Silver City, NM, and one in Grandview, TX.

We all miss her.